Tanja Alexandra Kern 
“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.”
~ Dalai Lama
First of all I would like to thank you, cherished reader, for your interest in my articles, for connecting with me, sharing your experiences and providing me with valuable feedback.
One of you asked me to write about ways to start loving yourself for who you are. What a great subject! It’s a great reminder and practice for all of us. So how can we find that inner happiness that allows us to fully love and accept ourselves?
There are many things that we hope will make us happy. Maybe a future event or a new car. Certainly they might add more comfort to our lives, but will most likely not meet our needs for inner fulfillment. Happiness is an attitude, it’s a choice! It comes from the inside, your attitude, and your perception. You don’t have to wait for something to occur, you can find happiness right here, right now. Because that is really all there ever is, the present moment. You may as well take responsibility for your happiness, and discover inner peace, fulfillment, harmony and contentment.
Let’s look at some ways to discover your inner happiness.
“There is only one cause of unhappiness:
the false beliefs you have in your head,
beliefs so widespread, so commonly held,
that it never occurs to you to question them.”
~ Anthony de Mello
1. Become aware of your perception
Before we can fully embrace ourselves, we need to become aware of our self-limiting, negative habits, patterns, thoughts, and beliefs. We tend to think that the way we view the world is the ‘right’ way, and when we encounter other opinions, we often start to defend our point of view. Instead of insisting that we know better, we can take this as an opportunity to look at our perception, review it and consider to change it.
As we open up, and become more aware of our thoughts, and beliefs, we start to shift our perception. That allows us to notice (self-) judgments, the voice of the inner critic that only focuses on our shortcomings, competes and compares, and brings up emotions of guilt, shame, worry, low self esteem, etc. And that leads us to the next step of “becoming aware of your thoughts”.
“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.”
~ Dale Carnegie
“Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
~ Abraham Lincoln
~ Abraham Lincoln
2. Become aware of your thoughts
Once we pay attention to the quality of our thoughts and the associated feelings, we are in charge of choosing to turn negative thoughts around, see the positive, change the way we think, our attitude and perception, stay open to the new and different, and continue to peel away old layers of self-doubt, fear, etc. Change is ever present and our perception makes all the difference on how we deal with it. As we practice seeing the positive in situations, appreciating the blessings, and cultivating gratitude, we can learn from a situation, and grow stronger. Just know that is a process and doesn’t happen overnight. So be patient and kind to yourself along the way.
“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.”
~ Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
What are some of the ways to become more aware of your thoughts?
You may consider to practice yoga and/or meditation to bring your awareness inward, and pay attention to the quality of your thoughts. Without judgment, notice when they come up, accept that they are there, and then let them go. It sometimes helps to label thoughts (e.g. “planning”, “worrying”, “inner critic”, etc.). Become aware that you are not your thoughts. Again, this sounds simple, but it is not easy. Just take one step at a time and trust that with each step you discover a bit more inner peace, harmony, and content.
“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be.”
~ Marcel Pagnol
3. Become aware of your emotions
As we become more aware of how we feel, we can pause and sit with our emotions instead of acting on them. Explore what you feel, and where it may come from.
Let’s say you feel angry. You may have been triggered and reminded of a past event that may have happened all the way back in your childhood. We easily jump to conclusions, make up our own story, and react in our usual way. We may even blame others or external circumstances for the way we feel. Once we understand the reaction to our emotions, we gain control. We can now pause before we assume, ask questions, make sure we understand the whole picture.
Our emotions carry messages for us and it is important to listen. We tend to label our emotions as good or bad. But it just is, what it is. It may be uncomfortable but there is not need to fix anything. It’s all about acceptance. So when you feel happy, be with your happiness, feel it fully, enjoy. When you feel sad, feel sad, sit with the sadness, breath into it, be vulnerable, allow those tears to fall, and with time, the emotion of sadness will lessen.
“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow. It only saps today of its joy.”
~ Leo Buscaglia
As always, I would love to hear from you! Let me know your thoughts. Drop me an email, leave a comment on my blog post webpage or on the Mendocino Healing Facebook page.
Wishing you Happiness, Joy and Fulfillment today and always!
Fondly,
Tanja
—–
Tanja Alexandra Kern
